- Today’s workouts:
- The Dunes (2 hrs)
- 30-minute cardio
- Kayaking (1 hr)
- Cardio (1/4 hr)
The Dunes is a giant, manmade hill of sand that I THINK was originally used for military fitness training. It is now a public park, and all you do is go up and down the dang thing as many times as you can. I missed out on this last Friday since I was feeling ill, so I was ready to go this morning. I was slightly nervous, but I was more eager to give it a try. As we drove up and I saw the monstrosity I cried out “holy shit!” – it is waaaaaay taller than it looks in the photos. OK, no problem, I can handle this. I was hoping to get at least two round trips up this little mountain. I took about 20 steps from the bottom – and keep in mind that with each step UP you sink DOWN – and I said, “you gotta be f**kin’ kidding me.” My whole attitude changed immediately. Or rather, I became possessed by my evil twin (we need a name for her) because every curse word and complaint that I could muster came out of my mouth. I don’t complain, and after the first week of camp I refuse to say, “I can’t do that” but I swear, I could not do this. As before when walking or jogging in deep sand, every step just sucks the life out of my legs. My heart rate was already zooming and I was breathing heavily. And I had only taken about THIRTY steps at this point! I tried taking 10 to 20 to 30 steps at a time. Sometimes Marco or Josie pushed me (literally…they were pushing me from behind…that’s friendship for ya!). The whole time I was going up I was swearing that I would NOT do it again. Once was enough for me, if I made it to the top at all. I finally did make it to the top with Marco pushing and encouraging (I’m sure I annoyed the hell out of him today) and had to stop to catch my breath and let my heart rate settle down (it was over 160 by the time I reached the top). I took my time descending, which was easier, of course, but still precarious. The hill is quite steep and if you’re not careful you could end up rolling your way down. Actually, one tiny little child was rolling himself down and was laughing all the way…that made me smile. Thank goodness ‘cause nothing else was working! I get down to the bottom, get some water, catch my breath, and evil Marco makes me go up that damn hill again! Aaaaarrrrgh! Can you believe I am paying these people to torture me like this? Seriously, I complained the whole time. At one point I said, “who was the idiot that came up with this idea?” Another climber said, “we’re the idiots who still keep climbing!” Exactly! It felt totally counterproductive. With every step up I slid down several inches. I kept going, slowly of course, and complaining either to myself or to anyone who would listen the whole time. I made it up a second and even a third time. By the third time I was near tears. I really and truly could not see the point of doing this exercise! All it did was make me hate it more and not want to do anything else today – and I still had kayaking and boxing to do! As I was coming down the third time, about 2/3rds of the way down I was shouting to one of the other campers that “This sucks!” and “I hate this!” WELL, Eric the OWNER of Camp Technique was down at the bottom and heard me. He told me when I came down that he could not believe that it was I who saying all that negative stuff, ‘cause I’m usually the one with the sunny personality. Seriously…it was like I was not myself at all. I was possessed by an evil twin. Anyone want to suggest a name for her? Eric gave me a pep talk…basically he said that I’m battling the negativity and letting it win, and that hill represents my past…it represents why I became fat and inactive and was living an unhealthy lifestyle, and when I conquer that hill, that past will be gone. I feel like that past is mostly gone. I am loving all the workouts (except this one!) and the camaraderie and the changes and improvements that I’m seeing. But, actually, right now as I’m writing this, it makes me wonder if there’s part of that unhealthy lifestyle that I’m still gripping tightly. Hmmmm, something deep to which I must give more thought; if I am still hanging onto part of that unhealthy lifestyle – WHY? And which part? I swear…I really wanted to do well on this thing before I started, but by the third descent, I just didn’t care. Marco said it was OK to stop – we still had about 45 minutes left. I could have made it up a fourth time if I wanted, but I did not. So I went to a cool patch of grass and stretched. I was still catching my breath and still cursing to myself about what a stupid exercise in futility this damn hill was. Presently Claire came to me and chatted and helped me through my emotions (because typical Donna was ready to bawl her eyes out). She was very helpful, and at this moment I can’t recall everything Claire said to me, but I had calmed down and caught my breath, and she convinced me to give it one more shot. We had about 30 minutes left. Claire stayed with me the whole way (this is Claire who runs marathons and can conquer that hill in no time flat – not that I was expecting to do that…no way!), made me laugh quite a bit, and just kept pushing me. I finally got to the top. And do you know what? I still didn’t give a shit. I still hated it and I didn’t care that I made it four times on my first attempt. I was mad that this exercise made me so angry and made me not want to do anything else.Back to the gym for our usual Friday hot lunch (turkey burgers!). Eric (the owner) spoke to us about our internal dialogues and how it can either help us or harm us. I had to laugh to myself because the only dialogue I had had so far was extremely unpleasant. Even while he was speaking to us I was trying unsuccessfully to push out all the bad thoughts that I still had in my head. Even now as I write this some of them are still there. But…he made an excellent point. We are our own best coaches, and if my coach (i.e, ME) is telling me that “this is a stupid exercise” and “this is pointless” and “you hate this”, well, there’s probably little chance of success. I’m still trying to flush out the negativity. It feels stuck in my head. I need a distraction. Writing isn’t helping right now.
My weekly session with Claire was cut short due to a staff meeting, but I felt like Claire and I had already had a good session at The Dunes. However, we managed to get about 15 minutes together, and she said she was proud of me for letting them know how much I hated The Dunes. Claire said that I always have a good attitude so it’s not easy for them to know when something isn’t right with me (well, except when I’m crying like a big baby). Today was a pretty good indication!
Next up was kayaking with Amber and Marco. I was looking forward to that (my mood had improved by then) and I had packed a swimsuit and my wetsuit just in case I fell in the water, or in case Amber made good on her threat to tip one of us over. We went to the nearby marina and each had a single-rider kayak. I had never done that before. Yet another thing I’ve never done before is checked off my list (not that I have a real list). We stayed in the marina as we only had about an hour. I stayed close to the boats and admired them while ensuring that I was rowing fast enough to stay in at least my fat-burning zone. It kind of felt like being in Bermuda again…except that the water was not as pretty. Happily I did not fall in the water and my wetsuit kept me warm. Marco was not so lucky…he tipped over almost as soon as he was in the water! Oh no! That water was COLD, man! I felt so bad for him ‘cause this was the START of the exercise and he had to go along with us all wet. Brrrrrr. He said he was OK, but I’m pretty sure if it had been me in regular clothing instead of my wetsuit, I would have been screaming like a wet cat! The kayaking was nice and I hope we get to do it again, especially when it’s warmer.
Since Marco was all wet, we weren’t able to have our boxing class, so I did some cardio for a little while and then headed home. I’m still not quite out of my surly mood from this morning. After a day like this I would really love to share a bottle of Malbec with a friend or friends, chatting to relax and unwind and forget about the day’s unpleasantries. I guess every day can’t be as wonderful as the rest, so I’ll just chalk this one up to one of the yucky days to which I hope I’m entitled!
Tomorrow is Saturday which means Boot Camp at the Beach. I’m fine with that. We had a fun and vigorous boot camp last weekend so I’m looking forward to another. After lunch at the Catering Kitchen there will be a group circuit with Amber (stations, please!) and then hopefully a relaxing Saturday afternoon. I hope your weekend has started off nicely and you’re doing something fun and/or relaxing!
Hugs to all,
Donna’s Evil Twin
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