Day Eleven – I T’ought I Was Gonna Die!

That’s a quote from Roseanne Rosannadanna from Saturday Night Live. Some of you born in the 60s and 70s might remember that. =^)

Today’s Workouts:
• 2-hrs beach Boot Camp (this includes but is not limited to: running/walking/jogging in the sand several distances, and in relays; pushups, crunches, squats, free weight lifting, stretching, leg lifts, scissor kicks, jogging or walking backwards, and probably a few more that I’m too dazed to remember…all in very soft sand.
• 2-hrs circuit and cardio

Despite not sleeping well last night and being sore as usual, once again I was looking forward to the day. I wanted to improve on my performance from last Saturday’s workout. We arrive and get started right away with Schuyler and Marco. When we walk down by the water the sand is compact and thus easier to walk on, so I leave my shoes on for that. These Boot Camps are done in the soft, dry sand, so working out in bare feet was easier (but only a little bit!). You do know that doing ANYTHING in soft, dry sand is about a bazillion times harder than doing it on a hard surface, right? And when you have legs that probably weigh 50 lbs each and have to lift them a megazillion times, it sucks the life right out of you. Well….very early on I was tired and drained but I there was no way I was going to give up or complain or cheat myself out of any of the exercises. I even managed to jog a little bit here and there --- I NEVER do that! One of the early exercises was walking around this square bird sanctuary that is fenced off in the middle of the beach. It is half-a-mile round trip. We were instructed to run, jog, or walk at our own pace as best as we can. I was last, of course (which doesn’t matter and doesn’t bother me….if really amuses me more than anything) and did it in 15:12. We did all the other drills and relays and finally near the end of our two hours it was time for a second “bird run.” This time we were to try to improve on our time. So…there I go, trudging along, jogged for a few yards (like, maybe three or four at most! ;-} ) and by the time I get to the second corner of the sanctuary I can see people round the last side of the square. No problem…I’m doing the best that I can. Then, about the middle of the second side, I felt a sharp pain in my left chest. I took some breaths and checked my heart monitor…dang thing wasn’t reading properly; it said only 46. Shit, I knew that wasn’t right. The pain remained, and I looked around and couldn’t see anyone near me. I could see people in the distance on the other side, but no one was in yelling distance (even with my big mouth). I stopped and checked my pulse on my neck and it was over 180. So, now I’m getting worried. I’m scared that I’m having a heart attack and there’s no one close enough to come save me with CPR. I slowed down and kept taking deep breaths, but at this point I’m probably starting to panic a bit. When I got to the third side of the square there was a beach maintenance crew truck nearby, and I was very close to going over to them to drive me back to the start, because my heart would not stop pounding. But I kept going…I don’t know why (probably for fear of embarrassment). When I arrived at the third corner and could see the starting point, I could see that everyone except for Schuyler and one of the bootcampers had started walking to the parking lot. Schuyler called out to me but I waved for him to come to me. By this point I was very upset and very scared. I couldn’t get my heart to stop racing and now I was getting short of breath. I wasn’t having the sharp pains anymore, thankfully. But mostly I was upset because I was scared that no one was close enough in case I collapsed. I stopped to catch my breath and bend over but Schuyler yelled to me as he was running towards me to stand straight and breath. That became hard to do. Schuyler reached me and now I’m crying because I’m just plain scared. Why am I so scared? Because this is my only concern….that I will have a heart attack. I don’t have to worry about diabetes, thyroid problems, high blood pressure, or cancer, but my paternal grandfather died of a heart attack in his mid-40s (he was overweight), and my father had a very minor one (so minor he didn’t feel it, as I recall, while he was in the hospital for knee surgery) in his mid-30s (also overweight), and I am grossly overweight (technically, according to the medical scales, I am considered morbidly obese) and in my mid-40s. This is why I’m attending Camp Technique, to reduce or eliminate my risk of heart disease or heart attack…but I’m still at risk for it for now. So, Schuyler is walking with me back to the starting point and I have almost caught my breath. I get to the van and I break down again when Marco asks if I’m alright. And the van was full of people. It was so embarrassing. I know we all care about each other’s well being but it was still so embarrassing. I felt ashamed for breaking down in front of everyone. Damn this old age….I get more emotional the older I get – usually about happy things. I cried for the gold medal winners at the Olympics and I cry when I get your messages of support. But when I cry because I’m upset, I try to keep that as private as possible. Yeah, yeah, I know…we’re all human. Anyway…we headed to the catering kitchen for lunch, and Marco took the time to remind us all that we need to let them (the trainers) know if we’re being pushed too hard, are in pain, or if there’s any kind of problem. I actually didn’t feel like I was being pushed too hard today. I knew that it was going to be a rough day but I was determined to do my best, and I did. At the kitchen I drank lots more water (I’m telling you, I could empty a Bermuda cistern in three days with the amount of water I’m drinking!) and continued to breathe. Michael sat with me and said that he experienced the same thing the first time he attended camp, and later Sean admitted it to me, too. I appreciate that. I do feel safe in this environment. I know the trainers and staff have our best interests at heart (hah hah…no pun intended). And they’re working for us! So they want to do their best and they want us to do our best and more because it’s true that we can all exceed our own self-expectations. It was comforting, too, to know that I’m not the only one who has experienced this who is still at the camp. Still…I’m embarrassed. I’ll get over it. Tomorrow I know just about everyone will ask if I’m OK, just as I would do the same for them. Because the campers care about each other, too. I love that. It’s not like we’re at some membership gym where people go to work out on their own and leave while hardly knowing the person working out beside themselves (although Bermuda is an exception ‘cause everyone knows everyone!). We all know each other by name and we notice when someone isn’t there and we applaud each other for good workouts and results. That makes for pleasant workouts, for sure!

Ok, so we head back to the gym and still have some rest time before the next 2-hour workout begins. I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired or still feeling distress from what I guess what was a panic attack (which I’ve never ever had before!!), but I still feel like I’m not getting enough breath. No, I’m not short of breath, I just feel like I can’t breathe deeply enough. Despite this, I get my shoes on and join in for the group workout. This involved 2-minute rotations on the mat (abdominals), upper body machines or weights, legs machine or weights, and cardio. NEARLY TWO HOURS of this! I think there were 12 of us doing the circuit. I just took my time and didn’t over exert myself. I did do more weight on the leg press than I usually do, so I was pleased with that. I need that leg strength so that I can get more distance on the bike rides, and eventually do the final hill (or is it a mountain) climb at the end of the bike ride. Oh hell, I just need the leg strength to get over any slight incline on the road ;-) The workout ended and as I walked back to the lounge, Marco asked if I was OK and I wasn’t…I was still upset about what happened earlier. So we went into the trainers’ office and chatted in private. He’s so great. I just needed to let it out some more. I’m OK being alone on the bike rides and doing the swimming and even doing that self-guided circuit. But when I’m in the sand it sucks the life out of me. Geez, I used to love being in the sand. I don’t want to end up hating it – especially that pretty, pink, Bermuda sand. In fact I want to be able to walk the length of Horseshoe Bay Beach a few times when I visit in June (any of y’all care to join me?). OK, I’m not focusing. After my chat with Marco, Arnae chatted with me, too, to give me comfort and support. I love her…she’s a cool chick. Just a couple of years older than I, Arnae just passed her 5-week mark and is doing things that she could not do before. I’m using Arnae, Divya, and Jeni as my role models…I want to be doing what they’re doing at least by the same time they did. And I’m happy to be “last” in all the walks so that Arnae or Divya don’t have to be anymore (‘cause Jeni is a jogging fool, baby, and is never last!).

Alright, it’s time for home and to get on my bike. I love my bike and bike riding, but I think I’m gonna have to put an ice pack “down there” ‘cause it still hurts from the last two bike rides, despite the extra padding ;-P How can I possibly watch TV sitting on an ice pack? Hee hee. Had a yummy quesadilla (with cheese!) and some spicy, fresh salsa (I hope we get that recipe). I think my last meal of the day is flank steak. Yaaaay…red meat! While I’ve been home I’ve still been feeling tentative about today. John’s going to give me a wake-up call, just in case. Tomorrow is our super-short, but no less strenuous, day. A 2-hour circuit with Arleigh this time. I’ve not trained with Arleigh yet so I’m looking forward to that.

Before I say g’night, I was reminded earlier that the tree frogs in Bermuda can be heard now. That is a sound that I DO miss, and one of my favorite things about Bermuda. I know some people hated them and it kept them awake at night, but I loved that “noise.” I meant to buy a TreeFrog CD before I left….anybody know where I can buy one when I’m visiting in June?

And did you do something that gives you joy today? Thanks, Christy, for telling me about your joyful day. Anybody else? Did you see what my cousin Susan said about her dad’s advice? Uncle Dean said, “everyone should sleep 8 hrs, work 8 hrs and play 8 hrs every day!” Well, now, that sounds pretty good to me. Why don’t we all take that advice?

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!