Day Seventy-One – A Seminar in Sadism

Wednesday’s Workouts:
• Yoga (1 hr)
• Bike Ride (18 miles, including an absolute bitch of a hill, 2 ½ hrs)
• 1-on-1 Session with a Sadist (1 hr)
• Massage
• Skipped the last workout

After a pretty good day on Tuesday (except for the miserable weigh-in results) I was looking forward to Wednesday, but alas, I did not repeat the previous night’s uninterrupted sleep. Ay yi yi! What will it take to get a solid night of sleep? Regardless, I had to put my best foot forward and start the day with yoga. I’m getting better at it, I’m happy to say. While my flexibility helps me get into most poses, I still don’t have enough strength in some areas to hold those poses or to pop up from one position to the next. But, I like doing it and will have to look for yoga classes when I’m travelling. Following this I had my one of my last remaining sessions with Karen, our nutritionist, who also teaches the yoga. One of the things that Karen does is help to prepare for life back in the real world when we have to plan our own meals, consider portion-sizes and labels, and tackle restaurant menus. Mom had sent the menu from my favorite Mexican restaurant in Danville, VA, so Karen and I went over that. This restaurant has this Fajita Quesadilla that is to die for and it’s huge. I HOPE that when we go there, I won’t be tempted to eat the whole thing…either I’ll get them to make a half-sized one or I’ll just have to take half of it home for another meal. And I’ll have to settle for one small margarita instead of the giant Texas margarita ;-) As I’ve mentioned I still have a lot more weight to lose so in order to get to that goal with about a 1-2 lb loss per week, assuming I’ll be doing a few hours of workouts during the week, I’ll need to stick to about an 1100 to 1200 calories per day diet. That’s what I’m on now and I don’t feel hungry except right after heavy workouts (like the swimming or long bike rides). I know that it will be difficult for me to count calories, but I won’t have any trouble with portion sizes or contents of the meal (i.e., ensuring that there’s a good carb, the right amount of protein, and a reasonable amount of fat). I’ve tried the “writing down everything you eat” method and that just doesn’t work for me. So, I will have to trust that I can eat responsibly. I will check labels on foods that I buy in the grocery store, though. I think that’s important, especially to ensure that it’s not full of a lot of words that no one can pronounce!

Next up I was scheduled for a bike ride “on my own.” This meant that I was not going with a group nor a trainer as usual and I had to push myself. That was good for me…I prefer it that way. However, as I was preparing to take off, Shelby, another camper, asked to join me, and that was OK with me. I don’t know Shelby that well, but I know she’s faster on the bike and I thought it would be a good way to pace myself – although I did warn her that I’m slow and she shouldn’t wait for me. As I hadn’t take the northern route in a while (since Amy was here three weeks ago) and I figured it was early enough that it wouldn’t be crowded with pedestrians, we went that way, and I had the goal of finally climbing the hill at the end of it. Yikes. From the gym to the end of the path before the hill is exactly 8 miles. We have to cross the main road and make the trek up a steadily inclining hill that I believe is about two miles long. OMIGAWD! I could barely go more than 3.5mph. It was torture. There is a traffic light at 9/10ths of a mile up the hill, and that was all I could do. Shelby had made it part of the way, but she had a time limit and had to turn around to get back to the gym. I had more time so I kept going to get to that traffic light. Geez, that was difficult! After drinking a lot of water, I crossed at the light to make the trip back down the hill. Now, you’d THINK that going downhill would be loads of fun, and perhaps for YOU it would be, but it scared me to death. I didn’t want to squeeze my bike brakes too much but I kept the speed to about 20mph. I didn’t like this at all. The only protection I’m wearing is a helmet. It’s warm and sunny on these rides so I wear bike shorts and a tank top. I’ve had a little bit of Bermuda road rash, AND I have an eight-inch scar on my knee from my solo scooter accident in November 2000, so I was apprehensive about being so vulnerable on this hard concrete. If you waivered even SLIGHTLY you could lose complete control and have a horrible wipeout. I know a few of you are regular cyclists; how do you do it? Rich, Claudette, Michael, Neva? It doesn’t scare you? I don’t want to do that again! I made it down safely and crossed to return to the bike path, but I still don’t want to do that downhill ride again. No way unh unh!

I returned to the gym after burning well over a thousand calories in time for a quick lunch and rest before working out with my sadist. Oh, sorry, I mean Nicola. Now, Nicola is very sweet and soft-spoken so you’d never know that she has a very evil, sadistic side that I’m pretty sure enjoys putting me through torturous exercises that she has concocted in her brain to make me scream. (Yes, Nicola, I’m talkin’ about YOU!). Ok, first we do the kettlebell warmup which involves holding a 15-lb kettlebell weight with two hands, swinging it between my legs while squatting, then swinging it up with my arms straight to about eye-level while I squeeze my butt and thigh muscles. Next Mistress Nicola hands me a 15-lb dumbbell to hold in one hand and let it descend down that side, stretching and then using the opposite oblique muscles to pull myself back up. Holy mackerel! You should have heard the noises I was making! Moans and groans and grunts – you know what that sounds like?!?! I had to do that on both sides, of course. We did two sets of those two exercises (usually we do five sets, so I think this was just the introductory sadism course). Then I had to hold a ball between my thighs, rise up on my toes, squat down to three levels, and then pulse up at down at the lowest level three times, doing all that ten times. THEN I had to hold a 10-lb exercise ball with straight arms in front of me, and squat down while lifting the ball over my head and squeezing my shoulder blades together. Well, the 18-mile bike ride I had just done did a number on my knees, so I didn’t squat so well, thus we concentrated on squeezing my back muscles. We did those two exercises twice. Let’s see…I think we moved to the mat next and I did crunches on the yoga ball. No problem…I like doing these. I’ve mentioned before that I can work my ab muscles more because I can stretch backwards before crunching up. Twenty of those. OK, maybe the class in sadism is over? NO! Now I had to do a full sit-up from the yoga ball, this time twisting my elbow, which I’m holding over my shoulder, to the opposite knee. Twenty of those. Yikes. Alright, I guess those weren’t the worst of it. The worst is still yet to come and I still haven’t told you everything. Next we did butterfly crunches – this is when you lie on your back, but the bottoms of your feet are touching and are close to your crotch, so your knees are spread wide apart. The point of butterfly crunches is that you engage your lower abdominal muscles more. I was doing the exercise properly, but as I still have a big belly there, I couldn’t feel the muscles “engaging.” So Nicola went to get a big round weight that is SUPPOSED to go on a bench press bar and puts it on my stomach and PRESSES DOWN with her own weight. Holy shit. But guess what…and this is what concerns me….I liked it. I liked it ‘cause I could feel my muscles working hard this time. See…I told you…it’s a seminar in sadism without the sex, except from all the grunts and moans I was making you’d think there was sex involved, too. I might be getting this next exercise out of order, but it doesn’t matter ‘cause the LAST exercise is the one that convinced me that Nicola is a sadist. I took this big wide rubber stretchy-band, put it on my foot, lied down on my side but propped up on my elbow, kept my hands on the mat in front of me, and did leg lifts. So NOW I need a fire extinguisher to put out the fire that is coming from my outer thigh! And we did three different versions of the leg lift and did it on both sides of course. Ow ow ow. Are we finished yet? NO. Next Nicola had me lie on my stomach, and clenching my butt and thigh muscles, lift my right leg with pointed toes, keeping my pelvic bones on the mat but lifting my thigh OFF the mat. And then after twenty of these on one leg, I had to hold my leg in the air!!! And do it on the other leg. Twice! And THEN…I had to lift both legs in the air (remember, I’m still flat on my stomach on the mat), and then click my heels together like I’m some low-budget Dorothy from Wizard of Owz (yes, I meant to spell it that way!). But the worst was yet to come. Mistress Nicola says, “we’re going to work on butt and thigh muscles now” – wait, haven’t we been doing that all along? What the heck is all that burning I’ve been feeling, hmmmmm? OK, she has me lie on my back with a yoga ball at my feet. I have to put my hands on the mat down my sides, and plant my heels into the ball. THEN she tells me to lift my butt as high as possible (are you insane?!) and THEN roll out the ball to extend my legs (you ARE insane!) and then roll the ball back to where my knees are bent but my butt is still up there, and do that ten times. And do it again! After letting out a giant groan, I announced loudly to anyone in the gym that could hear that “NICOLA GIBSON IS A SADOMASOCHIST!” And I’m afraid I’m turning into one, too…’cause I’m paying them to make me do more of this crazy shit! Mwaahahahahahaha.

Thank HEAVENS my massage was next. Nina worked her usual magic, and this time I dozed off. I normally don’t do that but I’m sure the lack of sleep and the exertion of my workouts wiped me out. I had hoped that the massage would be enough rest to be ready for the final workout of the day, but I could barely keep my eyes open even after the massage. So, I decided to listen to my body and give it a rest. You know…each time that I’ve had more than a 4-lb weight loss, I had taken a day off. I really can’t help but feel that I must give myself a day off to let my body recover and rejuvenate. So, I don’t feel guilty about skipping this final workout of the day, and I’m already planning on skipping Sunday’s 2-hr workout. I have to start packing anyway, so Sunday will be the best time to do that. I can burn a lot of calories packing; this I know for sure. I need to get some pieces of luggage packed for a luggage-shipping service which will cost less than paying for excess and overweight baggage with the airline; I have to schedule this to be collected before I leave, perhaps for Thursday or Friday of next week. Hmm, I better check out the email receipt from when I had stuff sent to me here in the beginning, so that I know what to do! I packed way too much stuff…there are workout pants and tshirts that I never wore And there are new things, too, as well as a few items that are too big. Woohoo!

Hope you all have a great Thursday…the weekend is almost here, yippee!

Days Sixty-Nine & Seventy – Two Weeks To Go!

Monday’s Workouts:
• 30-minute cardio
• 1-on-1 session (1 hr)
• Spinning (1 hr)
• Santa Monica Stairs – 167 of ‘em (6 ascents, 1 hr)
• Went home sick ;-(

Tuesday’s Workouts:
• Beach Walk/Run (45 minutes, 2 ½ miles)
• Weigh-in
• 30-minute Abs/Core class
• Swimming (1 hr, 64 laps = 1 mile, no fins!)
• 1-on-1 session (1 hr)
• Bike ride (2 hrs, 18 miles)

I have now been at Camp Technique/Live-In Fitness for ten weeks. It has gone faster than I expected, and while I have enjoyed it for the most part, I am ready to go. I’m pleased with most of my results. I’m averaging a loss of about 6 inches per week, which is very good, and it shows in my clothes. I packed a few skirts that were too tight and now they fit very well. None of my jeans fit; they are too big! I have some tops, too, that I have to pin closed because now they are too big and thus too revealing even for me (‘cause if you know me, you know that I don’t mind showing off “the girls”). I’m so much stronger than I was before I started. I’m also a much better swimmer – this was unexpected. I’m not a FAST swimmer and I’m sure I need to improve my form/technique, but I can go for many laps at a time without stopping. I’ve been doing things that I either hadn’t done since I was a kid or had never done before (like, JOGGING). Now, all this does not mean I’m a world-class athlete nor that I can keep up with a lot of you who already exercise regularly. I still have a lot of work to do to get to a healthy weight and a good fitness level. The whole point of me attending this fitness camp was to make a lifestyle change so that I could reach that goal. With only two weeks left, I’m mostly confident that I’ve done that and will be able to implement all that I’ve learned once I return to the “real world.” Even then, the real world won’t be quite so real for me as I won’t be working yet; I’m planning on travelling for several months before job-hunting and settling down in a new location. I don’t know where that will be or what I will be doing. Truthfully, right now, I’m not concerned about that! My only concern right now is to make my goal of a 50-lb loss by the time I’ve finished the fitness camp. That’s not going to be easy. I’m going to have to KILL the next thirteen days!

Monday was a rather uneventful day, although it started with me not having had hardly any sleep. This made all the training sessions a bit more difficult. Climbing the Santa Monica Stairs was even more difficult. Before heading there I forgot to consume a protein shake, and thus between the hunger and fatigue my body was not having any of it. During the 5th ascent, my arms and legs felt weak and shaky, so I added a vitamin/electrolyte supplement to my water, and that helped me to complete a 6th ascent. So far that’s my best and that’s what I did last week, too. I’m still not sure if I finish on a Monday or Tuesday so I either have one or two Stairs workouts left. My quadriceps get very tired from doing them, but at least my muscles aren’t too sore. I stretch at the bottom and top of the stairs and this has helped to prevent the tight calf and thigh muscles the next day. When we returned to the gym I started to warm up on the treadmill in advance of the next training session, but I didn’t feel well. After resting a few minutes, I decided to head home. It turns out that hunger and fatigue really got the best of me ‘cause after I had a full meal I instantly started feeling better, and then I dozed on the sofa, which helped. Later I took sleeping pills to get me to sleep, and I believe I was out by 11:30pm. FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY I did NOT awake at 4:30am as I have been doing for the last six weeks. When I awoke, it was 6:00am!!!! I was absolutely thrilled. Isn’t it funny what small things can make you happy? I was just so relieved to have had more than six straight hours of sleep for a change. It made for a good start for Tuesday, too, and I was even looking forward to my weigh-in.

But first, as we usually do on Tuesdays, it was time for the beach walk/run. As I was feeling well-rested for the first time in what felt like forever, I was determined to jog a lot more today. And I did. After a 5-minute warmup, I jogged for 10 minutes without stopping, walked for another 2 minutes, then jogged another 10 minutes without stopping, walked for about 5 minutes, and then jogged all the way back to the van for 15 minutes without stopping. FIFTEEN MINUTES! If you know me well, you know that I would have sworn that I would never, ever do anything like that! During that final 15 minutes, though, I became a LITTLE deflated when this couple PASSED me and they were just walking with big strides. Hah hah…I run like a turtle!! Have you ever seen a cartoon of the Rabbit vs The Hare? Actually, I’m a huge Bugs Bunny fan and there’s an old episode of Bugs racing with a turtle. I run exactly like that turtle ;-) Anyway, I didn’t let it get me down; it actually amused me more than anything. And when I reached the van, I was very, very pleased with my efforts. Now…I have three more scheduled beach walk/runs so my goal is to jog the whole round trip before I leave. Perhaps I’ll try just jogging all the way to the pier on Thursday and work my way to that round trip. And, please…don’t think I’m gonna be ready for a marathon or triathlon, OK, so please don’t be trying to convince me to come jogging with you! Not yet. I gotta warm up to it first. Just ‘cause I’m DOING it doesn’t mean I LIKE it, y’know ;-)

So, after feeling very pleased with myself for jogging for 35 minutes, I was anxious to get measured. WELL, so much for THAT! Only two pounds!! TWO pounds. After all this hard work! And I DID NOT CHEAT AT THE CONCERTS!!! I lost just under three inches, too. Geez. HOW am I going to make my goal? I still have 13 pounds to lose in 13 days. Oh well…I didn’t complain about it and I went on with my day. I did the last half of Schuyler’s Abs/Core class and then did Marco’s Abs/Core class as scheduled. After this was our usual swimming workout. Since I stopped using the exercise fins, I’ve not been able to complete more than 52 or 54 laps. Today, I was going to do my darndest to get to 64 laps, which is a mile. Instead of using flippers, I did use these webbed gloves that give extra resistance against the water (thus working my triceps, which still need some work). You know what? I stepped into the pool and just attacked it. 10 laps warmup (which means I stopped between each lap). Then 10 laps freestyle without stopping (i.e., I used the flip-turn to keep going). Then 10 laps backstroke without stopping (I did something like a flip-turn for these!) Then 12 laps using arms only. Then 12 laps freestyle and backstroke. Only 10 more! I did it. And all within the hour. I was so happy with myself! My goal now is to do 20 laps at a time without stopping. We’ll see on Thursday!

After lunch I was originally scheduled for a 1-on-1 session with Marco, however we have a camper here, Pat, in his early 50s, who’s in the Army National Guard, had come home from Iraq for a few weeks and decided to attend the fitness camp for two of those weeks because he’s going BACK to Iraq next week. He has to meet some fitness requirements and requested that Marco help him, so they asked me to switch with Eric for my session. This was OK with me, of course, not only because I support the military, but also ‘cause I love working out 1-on-1 with Eric. Eric is TOUGH but reasonable, and always challenging. Eric is also helping me to get that yoga ball balance mastered. As I had just swam a mile and been doing some running and was going to do a bike ride later, Eric concentrated on glutes and stability. One of the significant improvements that I’ve made is my stability and core. This is what keeps you upright, keeps you balanced, and helps your posture (among other benefits). I can stretch and I can balance. So, to give that strength a workout, Eric had me stand on one foot on the Bosu ball, hold onto some straps weighted down with nearly 300 lbs, and then squat down on the one foot while the free leg was outstretched behind me. Holy mackerel, I felt that in my glute muscles BIGTIME. (But I liked it!) I had to do that on both legs, of course. Wheeeew! You’d think that I could use my arms to pull myself up, but the Bosu ball forces you to use all of your core to balance and thus the leg muscles work overtime to balance AND push up from the squat; I only used my arms for balance. Wow. We finished the workout with the yoga ball balance. I managed to balance on knees only, but admittedly my legs were tired so I wasn’t able to hold it for a minute as I had done before. We’ll just keep working on it. I still have thirteen days to master the “Aquaman” pose, which is one knee down with the opposing hand down and the free hand and free leg extended. I’m gonna have to practice this at home some more on my own yoga ball.

Following ALL OF THAT (the jogging/walking, swimming, abs/core, and 1-on-1 session) I still had a BIKE RIDE to do. I was doing this 1-on-1 with Claire, who is usually our counselor. Claire, however, is a bit of a Wonder Woman ‘cause besides listening to our troubles all week long she also runs marathons, shows horses, cycles, climbs dunes, and probably leaps tall buildings in a single bound (oh, no, that’s SuperGirl, isn’t it?). OK, Claire probably flies an invisible airplane and can dodge bullets with magic wrist guards. Anyway, we decided to take the southern bike route to Manhattan Beach because as before, I thought the northern, Venice Beach route might be crowded with pedestrians. We had two hours, and the goal was to get to Manhattan Beach and back. The time passed very quickly as we chatted most of the way and Claire kept me at a good pace. USUALLY I have to stop just to stretch or catch my breath, but we kept going and when we reached Manhattan Beach, 9 miles from the start, we turned the bikes around without stopping. So, that means when we finally reached the first traffic signal on the return to the gym, we had biked for two hours without stopping. Man, I’m tired!

Before heading home I stretched for about half an hour; biking does a number on my knees so stretching the quadriceps helps to relieve that. So do ice packs, which I’ve had on my knees for the required 30 minutes ;-) I have another bike ride on Wednesday so I want to be sure my knees will be OK. I wanted to hurry home, too, to get ready to watch the Biggest Loser Finale. As it starts here on the West Coast, it will have already ended on the East Coast and in Bermuda, so don’t tell me how it ends! I’m typing this as I’m watching. The transformations of the contestants who were booted off the ranch have been amazing. Wow, Kristin looks fantastic! I loved seeing Sione and Phillipe doing the Haka (War Chant) ‘cause in Bermuda we’ve seen the New Zealand All Blacks do it every year at the Rugby Classic (my favorite week of the year in Bermuda, baby!). As for the final contestants, I’d love to see Tara win (I can totally relate to her) but will not be disappointed if Mike wins. I’m going to sign off now so that I can watch without distraction. Hope you all have a great Wednesday. I think mine will be pretty good ‘cause I have yoga, a bike ride, and a massage scheduled tomorrow (besides two other workouts and a nutrition meeting). Oh, and by the way…..THANK YOU for all your compliments! Gee whiz, you really know how to make a girl blush!

Days Sixty-Seven & Sixty-Eight (Saturday & Sunday) – Dancing With The Dead

Saturday:
• Cycling (2 ¼ hrs, 20 miles)
• Grateful Dead Concert at the LA Forum!

Sunday:
• Circuit workout (2 hrs)
• Concert at the Hollywood Palladium (Delta Spirit opening for The Shins)

After another mostly sleepless night (are you as tired of hearing that as I am of writing that?), I awoke on Saturday eager to get started on my bike ride. I was not doing the usual Beach Boot Camp, but I had committed to Nicola and Claire that I would go cycling. I decided for myself that I would do at least twenty miles, which is further than I had gone before. I took the more difficult southbound bike path since the northbound path would be crowded with tourists along Venice and Santa Monica Beaches. I hadn’t ridden on a Saturday before so I wasn’t sure if the southbound route would be any better, but happily it was. There were more cyclists and runners and lollygaggers on this path, but I’m confident it was more crowded the other way. It was a nice ride although my legs were very tired from the previous day’s 15-mile ride. There were lots of surfers, volleyballers, and beachgoers out, too. This bike path follows along the beach where the whole surfing culture in California started. It was nice to finally see some surfing in person (well, almost…I was about 75 meters away). I wish I could take the time to learn how to do it, but I can’t even do the pop-up from the paddling position to squatting and standing. Yikes. It looks like tons of fun. Maybe a year from now when I have even less weight to lift, eh? Anyway, I cycled past Manhattan Beach which is where I usually turn around. I had made it there within the first hour so I was satisfied with my pace; I would have liked to arrived about 10 or 15 minutes sooner, but all these sleepless nights do affect me. I continued on and the path became part of the main road; I seemed to have missed the place to stay down on the beach. I went a little bit further and figured out that I just needed to turn down these alleys to get to the path, except now it was not just a bike path but a jogging and lollygagging path, too. No matter…I maneuvered as needed. Nobody was really rude or stupidly in the middle of the path despite there being lots of people there. I reached Hermosa Beach and came to a spot where I had to dismount and walk the bike for what looked to be about 50 yards, but as I had been cycling for nearly 1 ½ hrs by then, I decided to turn around. I think next time I will stay up on the bike path on the road and go further. I’d like to get at least 25 miles next time. Anyway, I turned around and the return trip was easier with less wind resistance. And isn’t it always the truth that the first time you try to get somewhere, it seems to take forever, but when you know your way back, you get back in no time. I was very pleased that I did exactly 20 miles in 2 ¼ hrs. I think if I had had a better night’s sleep I could have gone even further in that amount of time. I’m looking forward to trying again.

I did not join the group for lunch at the Catering Kitchen. Rather, I had decided that I WOULD go to The Grateful Dead concert with Skate and Siouxsie. I bought a ticket online at 1pm while the concert doors opened at 6:30pm. Luckily some single seat tickets had been released so I got an amazing seat that was at the same height as the stage, on the railing (i.e., no one in front of me), and only 20 feet away from the stage right back corner. So this means that I mostly saw the musicians backs the whole time, but I had a great view of the drum set. I did not know that there was going to be an AMAZING drum/percussion solo. AAAAAAWESOOOOOME! But I’ve jumped ahead of myself. I must talk about “The Lot.” Skate and Siouxsie are huge Dead fans and are actually following the tour (and also The Allman Brothers) to a few cities in the next seven days. They’ve done lots of Dead concerts and Skate told me that they go several hours before the concert starts to “The Lot.” Ok, for you college football fans, this is like a giant tailgating party for hippies! There were tie-dyed shirts and dresses everywhere, and people of all ages (including the ones who were born after the Dead) walking up and down the parking lot aisles while more people were selling arts and crafts and tshirts, beer, and all kinds of contorted glass bongs. Woohoo, what an education for my naïve little self ;-) I wanted a beer so bad, but I stuck with my water. There were vendors offering tacos and other deliciously-smelling noshies, but I had my meal and protein shake before heading to the Forum so I resisted. I’m not too proud to admit that I don’t object to marijuana and there was plenty of that floating around, too, but I turned down any offers of that. I didn’t need to smoke it ‘cause there was enough in the air to inhale. Good thing Bill Clinton wasn’t there, eh? So, we headed into the arena and that’s when I learned how great my seat was. I was alone, of course, and thus didn’t know anyone around me. HOWEVER, the folks that sat next to me were very friendly and I had a great time with them. Such a good time, in fact, that I was invited to join them on Sunday night at the Hollywood Palladium to see Delta Spirit open for The Shins, two bands of which I’d never heard, but I figured it would be another good chance to get out around L.A. and have some fun seeing live music, which I love. Tom, one of my new friends, has a small ticketing business so he sees lots of shows and has a VIP table at the Palladium, so that sounded like my cup of tea (aaaaah, I remember the good ol’ eMoo days when Paul made sure I was treated like a VIP at Bermuda concerts of which eMoo was one of the sponsors – I miss that, and you, Paul!). The Dead were great. Even though Jerry Garcia has passed away, they still have the amazing sound and skill they’ve always had. They definitely looked OLDER! I love live music because I love seeing a packed audience get into the performances. From my seat I could see most of what the performers could see. As I’ve been onstage myself a few times, I can attest to the thrill of seeing a full house of people who are all loving and enjoying and generating the same supportive energy for the performers. The crowd was insane! I absolutely loved seeing thousands of hands and arms in the air pumping and dancing about. Every single person around me was just as animated. You just can’t help but get up and dance and sing along with everyone. What a great time. I took some photos with my Blackberry but the camera on it sucks, so unfortunately they’re not very good as you can see. The concert finally ended around 11:30pm after a couple of encores and Tom and his friends had offered to give me a lift home instead of waiting for a cab. I couldn’t reach Skate to let him know; turns out his phone had gone dead, and mine was near dead, but I knew they were going to be back in The Lot partying for awhile, so I didn’t worry and I accepted their generous offer. The ride home was a hoot because Tom’s friends John, Kristen, and Eddie had been drinking (Tom was the D.D.) and they were hungry and obviously still wired from the concert. If I had not had a workout scheduled for Sunday, I might have stayed out with them even longer (but without the alcohol and late-night munchies). Gosh, I hope my late-night partying days aren’t over yet!!!

On Sunday, I slept in a bit, then headed to the gym for the usual 2-hour 50-reps workout. For all of the exercises, wherever weights were involved, I increased my weights from the previous Sunday. I was so happy that I was not feeling any pain in my shoulder or arm from doing the weights. Now I just feel the pain afterwards, so I take that as a good sign. I was soooooo tired when I returned home. After lunch I decided to stretch, and at one point I stopped to rest on the living room carpet, and do you know I FELL ASLEEP right there on the floor between the coffee table and the tv?! I napped for about an hour and awoke shortly before Tom called to confirm if I was joining them for the Palladium concert. I was, so I rested a little bit longer then prepared for the evening. I decided to wear a skirt that used to be waaaaay too tight….it fits very nicely now! (I took a picture!). We arrived at the Palladium and headed upstairs to the VIP section. Nice! The general admission area has no seating whatsoever, so I was glad to have a place to sit without any obstructed views. OH, ALSO in the VIP area, there was a woman offering chair massages, so I indulged! Fifteen minutes of that was just right. I had never heard of either band performing, but I did take the time earlier on Sunday to check out The Shins on the internet. The description of their music led me to believe that I would enjoy this very much. I would say that I did enjoy the music of both bands, but I found that they didn’t play enough music that got the crowd up and dancing. It was absolutely packed as the photos below show, but nobody was really dancing…at least nothing like we saw the night before at The Dead concert. I like musicians on stage to give a little more than just music….I want to see them animated and looking like they’re really into it and giving it all to the audience. The audience was very appreciative with loud cheers and stomping for an encore at the end, so maybe just because I was so tired I wasn’t as into it as I normally would have been, and also perhaps because I wasn’t right up by the stage I didn’t feel the crowd’s nor the bands’ energy. There were songs that I did like. Funny…nowadays when I hear music, I think about on which iPod Nano playlist it might go…my walking/workout playlist or my relaxation playlist. From both bands I heard songs that I could put on either list. I just don’t know any of the titles ;-) We left before the final encore as it was past my bedtime…I try to be in bed by 11pm and it was already 11pm at that point.

On Monday, besides the usual cardio, spinning, and training sessions, we also have the Santa Monica Stairs. I did six ascents last Monday so going for at least seven. I hope today you’re reaching new heights or surpassing your set goals. Have a great week!

Day Sixty-Six – Apparently Being Perfect is a Requirement

Friday’s Workout:
• The Dunes (2 hrs, 6 ½ climbs)
• 15-mile bike ride (1 ¾ hrs)
• 1-on-1 session (1 hr)

Last night I tried the Chinese Herb capsules to help me get to sleep. Unfortunately they didn’t work as well as I would have liked. The last time I saw the clock it was 3:00am, so I was extremely disturbed when the fire alarm went off at 4:00am! I was so disoriented that at first I thought it was just my alarm, and all I could think was I’m waking up the neighbors. It’s situated over the bed, so I thought maybe if I jumped up I could press the button to stop it. OK…imagine that at 4:00am…I’m in my pajamas, I’m in a daze, and I’m jumping up to reach the ceiling and the smoke alarm button. Of course I couldn’t reach it and each time I jumped I fell on my butt; thank goodness the bed has a really cushy mattress. Next I went to the bathroom, as you do when you first wake up, grabbed my robe and keys, and stepped into the hallway. The fire alarm in the hallway was going off, so it wasn’t just me. It went on for a couple of minutes. I was surprised that no one else was stepping out to see what was going on (in my hallway, anyway). I went back inside and looked through the windows….there were no lights in any of the apartments within my sight. Were all these people sleeping through this brain-piercing noise? The noise finally stopped, and I stepped into the hallway again. Somewhere someone in another apartment was confirming with another someone that it was a false alarm. Thank goodness for that. Then the damn thing went off again! It went on for a few seconds. Meanwhile, my heart rate was slowly coming back to normal. When the alarm first went off I thought my heart was going to pump itself right through my chest! I commented about the damn alarm on my Facebook status, and do you know that alarm went off AGAIN?! For heaven’s sake! Once it finally stopped, I returned to bed, but of course it took awhile to get back to sleep. I decided to change my alarms to let me sleep in an extra hour, if I could even get that hour. Since we were doing the Dunes today, I WAS going to TRY to bike to the Dunes (about 9 miles, including a massive hill), climb the stupid, f**king Dunes, and then bike back to the gym. But, as I had no more than 2 ½ solid hours of sleep, I knew that that was going to be physically impossible.

It was HOT today. There is no shade over any of the sand, and you know how hot the sand can be when it’s baking under the sun with no clouds up there. We started around 9:30-ish, so it wasn’t tooooo hot just yet, but by 11:30, it was not pleasant. I wear sand socks which prevent sand from getting in your toes and help grip the sand. By my 7th attempt, the sand was too hot and unbearable even for me wearing the socks and even for the trainer who had had enough, so I left it at a half-climb. Only 6 ½ today. Whatever. I only burned about 950 calories doing something I absolutely, positively, hate doing. It doesn’t make me feel good when I do it, it exhausts me, and it makes me not want to do anything else the rest of the day. And guess what…there ARE other pleasant, enjoyable ways to burn as many or more calories than climbing this big, stupid, hill of sand.

So, we get back to the gym for lunch and my favorite thing to do – the “Community Meeting” (can you detect my sarcasm?). As I’ve written before, I do not enjoy these meetings. We’re supposed to go around and talk about our highs and lows of the week and then give each other feedback. Well, usually this is a love fest and almost everyone sings each other’s praises. As you know I’ve been feeling less than perky for awhile and for me, my week was just average. I did everything I was supposed to do; I didn’t really achieve anything new, and so that’s what I said. I said that I would “keep my lows to myself” because I didn’t want to share them and as I’ve previously said, I don’t believe criticism should be given publicly. Someone reminded me that I had a 6-lb loss. OK, big deal. I’m supposed to lose weight every week. And I’m really tired of hearing “don’t be a slave to the scale” and “muscle weighs more than fat” and “the inches matter more.” And you know what, if I choose not to be excited about that, then that’s my damn problem, not anyone else’s! So I talked about how much I hate doing the Dunes, and I would rather do something else more enjoyable as another camper was doing; she comes to the Dunes with us and then walks and jogs the neighborhood which has a lot of hills and also climbs the stairs (I think) that are next to the Dunes, and burns more calories. She took offense to this and implied that I couldn’t keep up with her doing all that. OK, that’s not the fucking point….the point is she’s burning more calories doing an activity she would rather do, and that’s all I want. So then she says that I “should find joy in life” and that I “used to be inspiring.” FUCKING HELL! You know what? Nobody knows what’s going on in anyone’s life and has no fucking right to say “find some joy.” I have tons of joy in my life as all of my good friends and family know; I do not find joy in climbing that fucking hill of sand. And guess what?! I’m not attending this camp to be inspiring to anyone! I came here to improve my health and learn ways to live a better life. It’s NOT MY JOB TO INSPIRE ANYONE!! And I don’t HAVE to be happy with a smile on my face all the time!! It’s not my frickin’ responsibility to make anyone happy either. My only responsibility right now is to do everything that I’m physically able to do in order to lose weight and inches and improve my physical fitness and strengthen my heart. Y’know, this is now the THIRD time that I have been embarrassed in front of several others. I didn’t know that that was going to be part of the program! First I was a “little girl” and then a “crybaby” and now I’m “joyless and uninspiring.” SHIT! I can’t win for losing! I try keep to myself when I’m feeling down so that I don’t say anything negative and I choose not to engage in conversation but that is apparently not allowed. I’m supposed to be perfect and happy and inspiring all the time. No wonder I’m always exhausted and can’t sleep!

After this waste-of-my-time meeting ended, I had a break before having to do an hour of cardio. Well, I needed to get away from that place, which seems to be a recurring theme lately, so I decided to go for a bike ride. I hadn’t done a proper ride in about three weeks since my left shoulder and arm had been giving me trouble. I wasn’t wearing my bike shorts but I didn’t care. I had about 1 ¾ hours before my next training session so I just decided to go for 15 miles. As I said before it was a hot and sunny day (yes, I wore sunscreen!), and since it was Friday, I took the more difficult route, south towards Manhattan Beach, instead of going north through Venice Beach and Santa Monica Beach because the northern bike path route gets crowded with pedestrians (even though it says “bike path only”) and becomes an obstacle course for cyclists. Happily my arm didn’t go numb and my shoulder didn’t give me any trouble, so I guess I’m ready to get back on the bicycle for extended rides now. And guess what….I burned more calories doing this activity in slightly less time than climbing that stupid hill in two hours. Regrettably I returned a few minutes late for my next session ‘cause I didn’t plan my time accordingly. Before getting started though, I had a chat with Claire the counselor and Nicola the trainer/general manager about what happened in the meeting. I was furious by now ‘cause I had been thinking about it during the whole 15-mile ride. I just wish I had thought of those responses spontaneously at the meeting. That always happens, just like Meg Ryan in “You’ve Got Mail” – you think of a good response long after the fact. Anyway, remember the other day that I said I was going to stick to my guns, so I’m insisting on not attending those meetings anymore (not everyone does anyway) and not doing the Dunes (not everyone does anyway). I’ve already decided…next Friday, I’ll go for at least a 25-mile bike ride. Cycling works my thigh muscles just as much as the Dunes do, and I can keep a steady heart rate for the entire bike ride while my heart rate goes up and down while climbing the hill. Screw it. I know what’s best for me! Tomorrow, too, I’m not doing the beach boot camp. I hated it last Saturday because it felt like nothing I did was good enough; the sand just sucks the life out of me. So instead I’m going for a bike ride tomorrow. The most I’ve done is 18 miles, so I’ll do at least 20, and if I start early enough, I’ll do at least 25 miles. As I’m writing this, am I hearing thunder? Geez, I hope not…that would screw up my plans, wouldn’t it? (A quick weather check reveals that skies will be clear tomorrow. Whew!) Anyway, back to the meeting….I’m going to continue to do fewer group activities which suits me just fine. They still want me to climb the Dunes but I do not want to.

I had a final one-on-one session with Nicola. I find it so interesting that the hardest workouts are the ones that do NOT use weights. First we did some squats with kettlebell swings, but my hamstrings were still aching and tight from Tuesday’s hike, so we stretched them out. Next up I had to stand in ballet second position (i.e., feet spread apart, toes pointed out) and up on my toes, tuck in my tailbone, then squat down three times, going lower each time, before straightening my legs. Omigosh! Then Nicola had me stay in second position on my toes, but do a deep squat, and then slowly pulse up and down ten times. OK, this is one of those exercises that almost makes me puke! I can still say I have not puked from a workout yet! My quadriceps absolutely burned and I can feel the surge of fire rising in my throat. We did five sets of those three exercises then moved to the mat. By now, after the Dunes, the bike ride, the squats, and six weeks of inadequate sleep, my legs are just DONE. First I did a deep-squat balance on the Bosu Ball for ten seconds….it burns the quads but I can do these fairly well. Then I did cross-overs on the Bosu in which you have one foot on the ground and the other on the ball and do a deep squat, then jump over and do it on the other side. This is where the fatigue really came in. Then I did crunches. I like doing crunches on either the Bosu ball or a yoga ball because you get more range of motion; i.e., you can go further back to stretch your stomach and then get a really good crunch when you contract. After three sets of those three exercises, I got down on my hands and knees to do three different leg lifts on each leg for two sets. My butt muscles hurt now, baby! I’ll have to ask Nina to kneel on me again at my next massage ;-)

I was eager to get home and showered as I was planning on meeting my old Bermuda friend this evening, but his and his wife’s flight plans changed so I’m home typing and resting. On Saturday they are attending the Grateful Dead concert and I just might join them! I haven’t been to a proper, live, rock concert in ages. I’m glad for the rest tonight to give my legs a break. They worked hard today.

Hope your weekend has started well!

Day Sixty-Five -- Back On Track

Thursday’s Workouts:
• Cardio/Interval Session (1 hr)
• Body Fat Test (i.e., Got Dunked)
• TWO Abs/Core classes (1/2 hr each)
• Swimming (50 laps, 1 hr)
• Beach Volleyball drills (1 hr)
• Circuit Training Session (1 hr)
• Cardio & A Movie (3/4 hr)
• Acupuncture

It is finally heating up in Marina Del Rey – seriously…I think it was in the 80s today. I love it. The sky was a perfect blue with no clouds. The tide was high though, which makes for a soft sand beach walk/run. Normally I would have been happy to do the beach walk/run, but I was glad to be in the gym. Since I was scheduled for a body fat test I participated in Arleigh’s cardio/interval training session. Whew, what a workout…by 9am I was already soaked from sweat. See…I sweat A LOT. I don’t mind it though. I was getting dunked anyway so I was going to be “clean” pretty soon. I put on my swimsuit, and Arleigh thought it was new…but the truth was it’s becoming a little too big! Arleigh also commented that I don’t take up as much space in the dunk tank as I did in the beginning. That’s good to hear. Shucks, I have a pair of jeans that were too small for me when I arrived, but now they are too big. Woohoo…that means I’m down THREE jeans sizes. I’d love to go on a shopping spree, but I still have a lot more weight and inches to lose. These twelve weeks at Camp are just the starting point for me. I’m looking forward to challenging myself once I’ve left Camp, to doing some sort of healthy workout almost every day, and to just living a healthy lifestyle. So the shopping spree for new clothes will have to wait. I’ll have to buy SOME new clothes, of course, although I do have some stuff in storage that was too tight – wouldn’t it be a treat though, if all that is too big, too! Hee hee! OH! The results of the BMI test…..were good! My body fat percentage has decreased by nearly 4% in the nine weeks that I’ve been here. Of the 35 lbs that I’ve lost, about 25 of them have been fat pounds. Now that I can lift weights again, I should be able to build some more lean mass and burn even more calories. I’m going to kick ass these next 18 days.

After the dunking, I had a free half-hour, and since I was going swimming an hour later, I decided to leave my suit on and do an EXTRA half-hour of abs/core work. On Tuesdays and Thursdays there are usually two half-hour abs/core workouts on the mat. Since I had time for both, and I had dried off enough, I did both. My abs are still the weakest part of me. I know that my back and legs are really strong, but when I have to do things like bicycle kicks, c-curve holds, forward planks, etc, I struggle a lot. I think my CORE is strong (‘cause I have good balance, as proved by the ball balancing act), but my abs definitely need a lot of work. All the more reason to burn those calories and that belly fat!

Swimming was next, and as I mentioned on Tuesday’s blog, I wanted to do at least 20 laps without stopping. It took me thirty laps to warm up to that, but I did it! Oh baby I was tired, too. So tired, that after lunch I had a doze on one of the chairs in our “lounge” area. Do you ever doze but you’re not quite asleep enough that you can hear what’s going on around you? That’s what I was doing. I’m still having sleepless nights so any spare minute that I can shut my eyes helps. There aren’t many of those spare minutes, I can tell you. Thankfully I CAN fall asleep anywhere – it especially helps if I can rest my feet up and cover my eyes. Some of us were going to do beach volleyball drills later so I knew that I needed that rest. It didn’t help my legs though. I forgot to mention that when I woke up this morning, instead of my calf muscles being sore, my hamstrings were killing me after yesterday’s hike. This did not make for quick nor easy movement in that deep sand for the volleyball! Regardless, I do love doing the volleyball drills….I burn lots of calories and get to do something I enjoy.

Back at the gym Eric, who had taken us for volleyball…which makes sense since he’s a professional beach volleyballer, led us through a group circuit on the mat. We had a couple of extra minutes at the end so I asked to do the ball balance again. As I’ve now mastered the all-fours and the two-knees-one-hand technique, I went straight to getting up on my knees. I’ve just about figured out how to keep myself up there for awhile. It does BURN my inner thigh muscles and quadriceps though, however I managed to stay up there for 1:39. Woohoo! A record! Francine, if you’re reading this…girl, I’ll show you how it’s done!

After wolfing down the apples/cinnamon/cottage cheese meal (I love this! With lots of cinnamon), it was time for the cardio/movie workout. I, however, had scheduled an acupuncture appointment for this evening ‘cause I wanted Dr. Chen to work on those knots in both of my shoulder blades and to see if she had any ideas to help me sleep. She did the usual needles and also the cupping. I asked her to repeat the bleeding process on the knots because that seemed to alleviate the pain from the knots a couple of weeks ago. I just want them to be SMALLER. I swear they are the size of ping-pong balls. Can you imagine ping-pong balls stuck just under your inner shoulder blades? Ouch! As I’m writing this now, I’m feeling the usual pain but slightly diminished pain in my left arm. I’m hopeful this will improve after tonight’s acupuncture and cupping session. Dr. Chen also gave me some Chinese Herbal capsules to try. Before doing that she looked at my tongue for any abnormalities, but since I’m eating a perfectly healthy diet and am consuming zero toxins, my tongue looked perfect, thank you very much! If you’ve ever watched Dr Jillian McKeith on “You Are What You Eat” on BBC America, you’ll know what I mean…Dr Jillian always checks the tongues of the people with whom she is working and they always have a nutrition imbalance that is revealed on their tongues. Anyway, I’m about to take these Chinese Herbal capsules, get my shower, and hopefully have a good night’s sleep. ‘Cause you know what Friday means….THE DUNES! I also have a 1-on-1 session with Nicola, and I know it will be tough, so I want to be well-rested.

I hope your Friday is going well and you’re looking forward to a fun and relaxing weekend. Anything exciting planned? I’m looking forward to seeing my old friend Skate and his wife Siouxsie who arrive in Los Angeles Friday night to attend the Grateful Dead concert. Hmmm, I wonder if we’re going to go to dinner? This will be a great chance to put my nutrition knowledge to the test by ordering from the menu. Still can’t have any beer or wine though. Pooh!

Have a great weekend, everyone! And Happy Mothers' Day to all you Moms, and especially to mine!

Day Sixty-Four -- "It Is Not The Mountain We Conquer But Ourselves"

Wednesday’s Workouts:
• Yoga (1 hr)
• 1-on-1 session (1 hr)
• Spin class (1 hr)
• Massage
• Mountain Hike (2 ½ hrs)

Wednesday morning I woke up after a terrible night of sleep. I tried a different supplement with magnesium, and instead of helping to “calm” me (that’s the name of it, “Calm”), it kept me awake most of the night. I really don’t think I got more than three hours of sleep. This was going to make today a very difficult day. Ugh.

We started with yoga, which I enjoy. Recall that this isn’t that nice, calming, yoga. Nope. This is cardio yoga, baby. Last Wednesday I was only able to do some of it because of my shoulder but today I had no pain and only slight numbness so happily I could fully participate. Because of my big belly, big thighs, and big butt I still struggle with a lot of the poses (‘cause the belly, thighs, and butt get in the way!), but I’m working on getting them down smoothly – I really DO look like an OLD WOMAN when I’m trying to get up from the ground, hah hah. Following yoga I had my first one-on-one session with Nicola. Well, damn, I wish I had had more of these from the start! Nicola’s TOUGH but reasonable. By reasonable I mean she is aware of what my limitations are (i.e., how much weight I can or cannot lift) and adjusted accordingly. All of the other trainers usually give me 3 exercises in sets of threes, with cardio in between each set. Nicola, however, would have me do 5 sets of 1 or 2 exercises. I liked it! It was tiring, of course, but I liked it. We worked our way down from upper body to core since I was going to be doing spinning and hiking later. Again, there was no pain with my arm during the workout. The pain usually comes later, when I’m sitting still (like, NOW, while I’m typing tonight’s blog). Following Nicola’s workout was a spinning class with Eric (the owner). So far I’ve had spin class with three different instructors and each is different. Karen, who’s a theatre lover like myself, “choreographs” her spin classes to the music that she chooses. Eric puts you through the various paces just to the songs, so that some songs are for “climbing,” some are for sprinting, and some are for free weights. Schuyler is sort of a mix of the two of them. I honestly can’t say that I prefer one spinning trainer over the others because they’re all TOUGH! I’ve finally figured out how to pedal while standing, but I haven’t mastered sprinting while standing on the pedals. I’ve got less than three weeks to figure that out! I like spin class ‘cause I SWEAT a lot! I mostly kept up – not so much in speed but with keeping my butt off the seat for entire songs for the climbing portion.

After lunch, I had a massage. Our time was cut short by about 20 minutes, so I asked Nina to work on my neck, back, and shoulders. She obliged, and this time she climbed on top of the table. I THOUGHT Nina was going to walk on me! That actually would have been OK with me. She’s highly-skilled and weighs only 120-lbs (she told me) and after the Thai Stretch Massage a couple of weeks ago, I know that I can trust her. She dug her elbows into the knots in my back using more of her full weight. She said that the knots are unusually bad (at least they don’t hurt!). She carefully cracked my back in the same way that the chiropractor does when I’m lying face-down. Nina also kneeled on my glutes (i.e., my butt!). She finished the session with this Asian cream that was kind of like Tiger Balm…she rubbed it into my sore spots around my shoulders and MAN did that ointment get HOT! I looked at the jar but it had only Asian printing on it. I’ll have to ask her where to buy it ‘cause I want some o’dat! I bet it would feel good on my tired calf muscles after climbing the Stairs.

My last workout of the day was The Hike. Finally! I couldn’t get out of it this time. The first time I was meant to go I went to the acupuncturist for the first time instead, so Amy joined the group. And last week I missed it because it was the day that I took off. Today, since I was still in my massage when the others left as scheduled, Marco was assigned to go with me on my own, at my own pace. I was appreciative of this so that I could just concentrate on getting my butt up that hill. But, baby, it’s no hill. It’s the Santa Monica Mountain. I don’t know what the elevation is, but I took photos (see below) from the top and then from the bottom to show the distance we climbed. It took us about an hour-and-a-half to get to the top (well, it took ME this long; Marco was hardly breaking a sweat – although he thought it was too hot, hah hah! I loved the temperature!). I thought the ascent would never end!!! There were almost no plateaus to give your muscles a break from the incline. I stopped when necessary to catch my breath and to see the view. It’s kind of pretty, actually. From there you can see the city of Los Angeles, the ocean and beaches, and the mountains. And some pretty spectacular homes, too. The descent wasn’t as exhausting but it wasn’t easy either; it was steep in some areas of the trail and a bit precarious from the loose gravel. I can’t believe that some people actually JOG this trail. And some of our campers actually BIKE to the hike, do the hike, then bike back to the gym. And that bike includes a 2-mile hill from the end of the usual bike ride up to the start of the hike. Marco thinks I’m going to do the bike/hike/bike before I leave camp but he’s loco. I’m happy just to get through the hike or get through the bike rides by themselves. There were lots of lovely things to see – just “nature” really, but pleasant nonetheless. BUT, as I was concentrating so hard on where I was stepping while ascending or descending, sadly I missed a lot of it. It reminded me of when I was a beginner SCUBA diver. SCUBA diving is the most blissful activity that I can do because you have to forget about EVERYTHING in your life except for keeping yourself and your diving buddy safe when you’re 75 ft underwater. However, during my first several dives, since I was concentrating on all the safety procedures, I didn’t look around me all that much. So, it was like that for this hike, too. Perhaps for my last hike I’ll bring my good camera (which is heavier) to take some nice landscape shots. These photos were taken with my Blackberry Storm. All-in-all, despite some aching leg and butt muscles, I enjoyed the hike and I do look forward to doing it again – I only have to do two more of them.

I was struggling to come up with a relevant title for today's blog, but since the hike was significant to me today, I did a search for quotes about hiking. The title of today's blog was said by Sir Edmund Hilary (of Mt. Everest). I thought it was appropriate because I'm certainly trying to conquer those aspects of myself which led me to become so overweight, lethargic, depressed, unmotivated, doubtful, hard on myself, etc etc. The last few days have demonstrated that I haven't quite conquered them, but perhaps I'm on my way?

On Thursday I will get “dunked” again. There will be swimming and volleyball drills. And the cardio & a movie. Stay tuned for Critic’s Corner tomorrow, and have a great day! Thanks again for your support and encouragement!

Days Sixty-Two and Sixty-Three -- Knocking Down A Pile of Blocks

Monday’s Workouts:
• Cardio (1/2 hr)
• 1-on-1 session (1 hr)
• Massage
• Spin Class (1 hr)
• Santa Monica Stairs (167 steps, 6 flights, 1 hr)
• Gym Boot Camp (1 hr)
• Pedometer reading: 16,878 steps, 7.98 miles

Tuesday’s Workouts:
• 1/2-hr Cardio
• Weigh-In
• Abs/Core (1/2-hr)
• Swimming (50 laps, 1 hr)
• Nutrition meeting
• 1-on-1 Session (1 hr)
• Gym Boot Camp (1 ½ hrs)
• Pedometer reading: dingaling forgot to wear it!

As you know from Sunday’s dreary blog, I was not looking forward to going to the gym on Monday. I have it locked into my brain that since I’m not going to make my goal (50 lbs in 12 weeks) that the rest of my time here is pointless. I have four more weigh-ins, including Tuesday. I have to average more than 5 lbs per weigh-in to meet my goal, and considering my first nine weeks, this is not going to happen; certainly Tuesday’s weigh-in isn’t going to be very good since I missed a day of working out, I went out for dinner Saturday night, and I’m only just now getting back to 100% participation, and I can see in the mirror that there are no changes, and physically I don’t feel any different. I really, truly appreciate all your messages of support and encouragement. I am taking them to heart, but admittedly that wall is blocking me. Or I am blocking me, but I cannot say why. I just want to get through each day as quickly as possible and with as little interaction with the other people as possible. The chatter just distracts and annoys me. I was feeling bad enough that I was ready to leave the camp at least two weeks early, with the intention of returning in the fall for six weeks. I had a chat with Nicola about this who promised to address my concerns, and she also asked that I talk with Claire, the counselor about what was bothering me, which I agreed to do.

After Monday’s lunch and a little bit of retail therapy for myself (don’t worry…I just went to the sporting goods store to get more exercise stuff), we were taken to the Santa Monica Stairs (you can see photos of them in Day 55’s Note). As traffic was heavy on the way, we had less than the usual time to climb them. I HOPED that I would be able to do at least 5 ascents with the shortened amount of time. I’m happy to say that I managed SIX full ascents in under an hour. I stretched my calves, hamstrings, and quadriceps at the top and the bottom of each climb with the hope that I wouldn’t awaken on Tuesday morning in extreme muscle soreness. I have decided that I definitely prefer the Stairs over the Dunes.

This morning, Tuesday, I was meant to go on the Beach Walk. Instead, while I was scheduled to chat with Claire in the afternoon, she asked to talk with me right away. So, I did and I had a good cry and without revealing all that was said, I think we’ve reached part of the root of the problem. Y’know, we ALL have issues, and I HOPE that I don’t use my own issues as excuses for bad behavior or poor performance. I know I don’t always succeed, but I think for the most part I just keep them deep inside and grin and bear it. Claire pointed out to me that I’ve kept myself distracted from taking care of myself with working too many hours for so many years, volunteering my time, and generally worrying more about other people and other issues instead of just myself. And now, with no job, no home, no bills, and no man, I should have absolutely nothing to distract me from taking care of me. But that is a new concept for me and I’m obviously struggling with that. I’ve been letting myself get worked up about how everyone else is doing and whether my efforts are going unnoticed. Certainly with no weight loss last week it felt like my efforts were pointless, despite how hard I worked. So, Claire’s idea to help is that I do fewer group activities since I’m distracted by and intolerant of other people’s chatter (yes, I admit it, one of my character flaws is that I’m not as tolerant as I should be). I will be scheduled to have more one-on-one sessions. I feel guilty about this, though! I feel like I’m getting special treatment and that others will resent it. BUT!!! I have to get my head around the fact that, y’know what? – I’m PAYING a lot of money for this and I should get more one-on-one sessions if that’s what it takes AND I have to just FORGET about what other people think ‘cause I have no control over that anyway. Aaaargh, it’s so hard to do! I’m not one of those people who can visualize or change my mindset with positive thoughts and just erase what has been bothering me. AND I’m not one to ask for special favors. It didn’t even occur to me to ask for fewer group activities. One thing that I DID request several weeks ago was fewer daily calories but they weren’t willing to do that. It wasn’t until I laid that big fat goose egg last week that I asked again and finally they agreed. So, since Thursday I’ve been on around 1100 calories per week instead of 1300. I’m kicking myself for not being more adamant about that. I mean…look at TWO weeks ago when I lost SEVEN pounds because I insisted on fewer muscle-building exercises and did more fat-burning work. Grrrr…as I think about it right now, I can think of a lot of times when I didn’t follow my first instinct and wasn’t adamant about what I wanted and instead ended up with a lot of misery or inconvenience or annoyance or whatever as a result. OK, lesson learned! Stick to your guns!

I had my usual Tuesday weigh-in next, and as my mood wasn’t significantly improved yet and I knew that I had had a less than stellar week up ‘til today, I wasn’t expecting anything good, even with the reduced-calorie meal plan. I really had no high hopes at all and was just going to suck it up and accept that it was not going to be a good measurement. WELL! Nicola started me off at last week’s weight and then started moving the scale down. At two pounds it didn’t budge. At four pounds, it still didn’t budge. I kept myself absolutely still and truthfully I don’t think it was sinking in that I had lost more than four pounds. Nicola kept moving the scale and finally at six pounds, it moved. I couldn’t believe it; I had lost six pounds. I was expecting no more than two, I swear. I was pleased with that, of course, but my surly mood was preventing me from celebrating, and I wasn’t expecting any inches to be gone either. As Nicola measured though, there was an inch here, a half-inch there, and in the end, I had lost nearly five inches. Again, I was surprised and pleased, but it sure didn’t look like it! When I added it up in my head, I had lost 35 lbs and 56 inches in 9 weeks. That’s……pretty good! So I’m sure it didn’t appear to Nicola that I was happy about it, but it did boost my spirits a little bit. If I can lose 5 lbs at each of the next three weigh-ins, then I will meet my goal and hit a milestone. I’m convinced that the reduced-calorie meal plan helped – this is why I’m kicking myself for not insisting on this sooner; maybe I would have had better than 4-lb and 3-lb losses over the first six weeks. I’ve already decided to do extra fat-burning on the cardio machines whenever I have some spare time. I started doing that today. I also did an extra workout that wasn’t even on my schedule (abs/core). I am just plain determined to meet or even exceed my goal, dammit!!

Next up was swimming and I was not feeling ANY shoulder pain for the first time in four weeks. What a relief. Before heading out though, Nicola and Claire chatted with me about my schedule going forward and showed that they are indeed going to give me more one-on-one time, so I felt pretty good about that. It was what I needed, too, to help me start thinking about only myself and forget about everyone and everything else. We arrived at the pool, and after a few warmup laps, I started swimming non-stop. My shoulder wasn’t bothering me at all so I managed to do 10 laps at a time before taking a water break. First I did 10 freestyle laps. Then I did 10 backstroke laps. Then I did 10 freestyle laps but with my arms only. And then finally a mixture of freestyle and backstroke laps to get me to 50 laps. I was doing the flip-turn between each lap. I’m sure my form wasn’t correct, but it was enough to keep me going without stopping. I was really, REALLY proud of myself. And tired! My left arm/shoulder didn’t hurt but it was definitely tired. I’m feeling it NOW, several hours later ;-) I’m looking forward to Thursday’s swim to try to do twenty laps at a time without stopping. I’ll let ya know…

I had a nutrition session with Karen after lunch and after I did some extra cardio and gave myself a good stretching session. That was really nice because almost everyone was doing the flag football activity so the gym was practically empty, and I was able to choose my own music. Thanks to Carmichael for suggesting some good reggae music ‘cause that was perfect for my stretching session. Funnily after I finished I removed my iPod and inadvertently chose a country music radio station. Now, I like country music but I couldn’t tell you who sings what. I figured someone would have changed the station for their next workout, but the country music was left on the rest of the day. I actually enjoyed it and was amused that no one had changed it. Hmmmm, that would be better than that pop-crap that I keep hearing. I swear, that song “PokerFace” or whatever it’s called is going to drive me up the wall. The radio station plays it at least twice every hour….and it’s annoying!!! How can anyone like that song?

Next up was a one-on-one session with Eric (v’ball player). Eric continued with some more shoulder rehab exercises. Oh man, talk about BURN! Even though it burns, I’m still just happy that I can do anything with my arm now. I still get some numbness and tingling if I hold my arm in a certain position, but it doesn’t feel like I can’t do anything with it anymore. I’ve tried bicep curls, lateral raises, chest presses, shoulder presses, back rows, tricep work, and even pushups (my pushups suck, but I’m getting better at them). I do have some soreness, but it’s nothing like the major pain that I had been feeling. It still hurts to sit at the table and eat or type on the laptop (so I need to hurry and get this blog done!). We also worked on “core” and did the ball balance. This time we took pictures! I’ve mastered the all-fours balance and the two-knees-one-hand balance and have almost mastered the knees-only balance.
The ultimate goal is to balance on one knee and the opposite hand with the free hand and free leg extended. We’re practicing this stance on the Bosu ball as it’s much more difficult to find the center of gravity to balance without falling on my face. I have less than three weeks to get it done. We finished up the day with a gym boot camp. I was happy that I could lift heavier free weights. I’m not back up to my maximum, but at least I’m getting there. My shoulder is talking to me now though. Ow!

So, after a week of feeling really down and ready to leave the camp, I’m beginning to look up again. I feel a little more confident that I might reach my goal after all with the reduced-calorie meal plan, more one-on-one attention, and the extra cardio here and there. I’m going to go to the gym and just read more to help me tune out all the conversations (I have one of those Amazon Kindles – PERFECT for cardio machines!). I’ve read all of your messages of support and encouragement. It took me a day to take them to heart and to see that I’m not alone in all this. I have to say that again….I’M NOT ALONE IN THIS. Thank you, thank you, for taking the time to read my daily notes and to send your positive thoughts. Gosh, if everyone had even half the amount of support that all of you have given me, everyone could meet their goals. As I think about it some more…WOW…there are SOOOO many people who are cheering for me – more than I ever expected. The whole response to my blog has been pleasantly surprising. Thank you for telling me that I’ve inspired you. I WILL continue to do more than my best not only until the end of my stay in California, but also afterwards, for I won’t have reached my ultimate goal in these twelve weeks, but I will be on my way. I am proud to have done something good that inspires you to do something good, too. Thanks for reminding me!

Much love to you all,
Donna